India Primer to Cows, Traffic, Honking and Head Wobbling

Dear Global Jigsaw,

A few years ago I was approached by a start up who wanted to create an app for foreign tourists to India. My role was to write the text for the app’s “Cultural Quirks” section. This was the brief:

“Our idea on this tour is to take head-on the FAQs that foreign visitors (especially first-timers) might have about India. (We have a tentative list - for instance: why are there cows on the street, why does everyone honk, why are streets so narrow, why are electricity wires hanging all over, etc.). We want to give researched answers to these questions, written in an insightful, funny manner. Right up your street!”

I am about to take a group of girlfriends from Madrid to India for a 10 days trip next week, as mentioned in this earlier post:

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Given this context, I was reminded of the cultural quirks project. The start up unfortunately, did not take off. But here are the answers I came up with for the enduring questions of cows, traffic, honking and head wobbling. Yenjoy!

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Why do I see cows on the road?

Bored looking cows ambling down crowded city streets without a care as to the traffic jams they may be causing are an enduring stereotype of India. Indeed, the likelihood of encountering just this scene in almost any Indian city, especially in the older parts of town, is high.

These bovine saunterers are not always strays. Many are, in fact, left to roam freely about the city by their owners, usually milkmen, to graze and find their own meals. Unlike in the West, urban villages housing milkmen, chicken farmers and traditional artisans still exist in most Indian cities. The fields where cows used to once graze might have been replaced by highways and high-rises many years ago, but the patterns of behaviour that predate the modern city continue.

Others are abandoned cows who are no longer able to produce milk and therefore left to their fate. And because cows are considered sacred by most Hindus, little deliberate harm comes to the animals even as they pick their way across crowded, urban roads.

So, why do Indians worship cows? Actually, they aren’t worshiped as much as venerated. The cow isn’t considered to be a God, but it is seen as a symbol of life. As a pastoral society, Indians have historically depended on the animal for milk, various milk products and dung, which is used as both a fuel and fertilizer in rural areas. Milk, ghee (clarified butter) and yoghurt are used in Hindu religious ceremonies. Some people even believe cow urine to have medicinal properties and use it as an antidote to everything from liver malfunction to intestinal infections.So, cows are seen as a life-sustaining gift from the Gods to be respected and grateful for.

A woman offers prayers to a cow by a roadside in Mumbai. Photo: Zuma Press/Corbis

Most Hindus don’t eat beef and cow slaughter is banned in many Indian states. You’ll need to kiss goodbye to those Big Macs for a while. McDonalds in India has no beef on the menu but makes up for this with McAloo Tikkis (potato burger) and Chicken Maharaja Macs.

(For a darker commentary on the anti-cow slaughter vigilantism that has become an ugly feature of the Indian social and political landscape, a link to a piece I did for Nikkei Asia: https://asia.nikkei.com/Editor-s-Picks/Tea-Leaves/India-highlights-dark-side-of-vegetarianism)

City governments do periodically attempt to get “stray” cows off the streets, but cows are a political hot potato in a devout country like India. Any intervention that can be interpreted as “anti-cow” immediately draws popular anger. The Delhi government claims to have relocated tens of thousands to cow shelters, but thousands more are still roaming the capital city’s by lanes. Holy Cow! That’s a lot!

Why are there no rules to driving?

In India you don’t need to shell out on amusement parks and heavy-duty roller coasters to get an adrenaline fix. A quick drive on the roads has enough thrills to suffice. Cars randomly switch lanes sometimes on to oncoming traffic, pedestrians magically materialize in front of speeding vehicles, cows saunter past without a care, overcrowded buses weave their way through the traffic like drunks, zebra crossings seem to exist for decorative purposes only, and traffic lights are treated as an inconvenience best ignored. Everyone honks along in an atonal cacophony and overtaking from the right, or the left, appears to be a matter of personal preference.

Some argue that driving on Indian roads is the easiest in the world, because there are no rules to learn. You just need to get in a car, press down on the accelerator and steer.

In fact, there are some basic rules, just not the type that are common in the rest of the world. The best strategy is to drive in the middle of two lanes, thereby keeping your options open. Another rule is to keep moving forward at all costs. If the car in front of you is slowing down, simply veer around it, even if that means going onto the wrong side of the road. Bigger vehicles usually get right of way. Pedestrians are out there at their own risk, so ignore them. But not so with cows. These need serious respect. As a driver, your only obligation is to concern yourself with what is ahead of you. Rearview mirrors are strictly ornamental. Finally, when in doubt, blow your horn. It always works.

There are several reasons for the freewheeling anarchy of the Indian road. One, of course, is the sheer volume of traffic, which breeds intense competition. According to the Delhi Statistical Handbook 2023, some 12 million vehicles jostle for space in just the capital city, with thousands more being added to the roads every week. There is also a bewildering mix of types and speeds of moving objects.

Another is our approach to driving - Indians drive, kind of like they walk. Walking does not require staying in a lane or stopping at traffic lights. When walking, if the person in front of you suddenly stops to talk to someone – as Indian buses often do in the middle of the road to pick up and drop off passengers — you simply walk around them. Similarly, if one side of the pavement is too crowded, you cross and walk on the other side. The same behaviour is commonly seen in drivers. Even on highways, if one side has too much traffic, people may start driving on the opposite side.

A major cause is the rampant mismanagement and corruption in the RTOs: that’s the Regional Transport Offices, the place where one applies for driving licenses. The bar for getting a license is ridiculously low and, in many cases, a bribe can get you one without your even having to pass a driving test.

The poor enforcement of traffic rules (oh yes, we do have them on paper) doesn’t help. The problem of understaffed and poorly trained and equipped traffic police departments when combined with the endemic corruption goes a long way in explaining India’s traffic chaos.

The important thing to keep in mind is that Indians tend to expect the unexpected and are prepared for it, on the roads, as in other aspects of life. Indian philosophy helps to calm the nerves, because according to it an individual only has so much control over events. It’s all karma after all. So, did you do enough good deeds in your past life to survive the Indian road?

Why do people honk so much?

In India, the horn has superpowers. It can stand in for an indicator, rear view mirror, traffic light, brake and even, sometimes, the eyes. Here are some of the situations when you need to honk while driving in India:

When you want to overtake someone. When you are overtaking someone. When you just overtook someone and want to celebrate.

When you are stuck in traffic and are feeling bored. Or frustrated. Or just absent-mindedly thinking about something else.

A few seconds before a traffic light turns green to let the driver ten cars ahead of you know that he might think of getting a move on. When you plan on going through a red traffic signal. When someone else goes through a red traffic signal.

Oh, and when you have not used your horn in a few minutes.

The colourful trucks that speed across Indian highways have quaint signs with “Horn Please” plastered on them, not because the drivers love the blaring sound, but because of the complete disregard for rear view mirrors. No one uses them. Some vehicles don’t even have them, while others push them shut because to have them extend outwards might cause a collision. Cars are so close to one another on the road that mirrors simply take up too much space. So, honking is generally used as a way to advise the driver ahead that you are about to over take him.

It also creates the illusion of reducing the chance of an accident. The idea is that if I am honking, everyone will know that I am there and avoid bumping into me.

Because Indian drivers are so used to tooting horns, having grown up with them, they don’t even consciously register the noise any more. Briefcase, a Mumbai based design firm, is trying to train drivers to get their hands off their horns just by making them aware of what they are doing. Their “Project Bleep” involves a little red button on the dashboard that beeps and flashes with a frowning face every time a driver honks. After testing the device on 30 drivers over six months, Briefcase found an average 61 percent reduction in honking.

But while Indians are inured to all that horn blowing, it might not be so easy for you to ignore. On the bright side there’s nowhere better really, to put those noise cancellation earphones to the test :-)

Why do Indians wobble their heads?

It can feel like Indians wobble their head in response to nearly every query or statement. The gesture is somewhere between a nod and a shake, not quite “yes,” or “no,” although it doesn’t necessarily mean “maybe” either. The confusion is made worse when the wobble is silent, unaccompanied by any verbal clues.

Decoding this head movement can be tough for the uninitiated, but it’s an impressive skill to master that will boost your street cred immensely.

The range of meanings of the wobble extends from “good” to “I understand” to “I’m not really sure.” In some ways it is the non-verbal equivalent of that multipurpose and omnipresent Hindi word, “accha.”

The most common meaning is a simple affirmative. For example, if you ask someone if the train is on time and they wobble their head in reply, it (probably) means, “Yes.”

It’s also a sign that the person you are talking to understands what you’re saying. If you tell someone you’ll see them next week and they do the wobble, it means. “Cool! See you then.”

Other uses include wobbling as an alternative to thank you, or as a way of acknowledging someone’s presence, a traditional Indian alternative to, “Hey! Wassup?”

One of the trickiest wobbles is when it’s actually used in place of “no,” in contexts when the wobbler cannot, or does not want to, say a straightforward “get lost.” For example, it’s considered rude to openly turn down a request from an elderly family member or an honoured guest, no matter how unreasonable. So, if you ask someone if they don’t mind waking up at 3:00am to drive you the airport and they reluctantly wobble in response, pick up on the reluctance rather than the nodding. It is here that your interpretative skills need to be at their sharpest.

Although most Indians wobble their heads, there is some regional variation. You’ll find the further south you go, the more enthusiastically people wobble. North Indians tend to use the gesture more sparingly.

In any case, it’s surprisingly infectious. Don’t be surprised if when your friends ask how your trip to India went you catch yourself bobbling in response. Let them figure out what you mean!

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Thanks for reading. Hope this answers some of the questions about India you always wanted to know, but didnt know whom to ask!

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