Parenting in India vs Spain

Math vs Football

Hola Global Jigsaw,

Being an Indian parent in Spain feels wrong in the way that binge watching Netflix, or eating out all week does: too easy, too indulgent, guilt-evoking. It is to be dropped from a culture of dog-eat-dog stress, to one where being well-adjusted, rather than successful, is the goal. It should feel utopian, but it’s hard to take the tiger out of an Asian mom. Consequently, I tend to bounce irrationally between embracing the Football and bemoaning the Math.

My boys, Ishaan and Nico, are about to go into their first year of high school and second year of middle school respectively. Parents in both India and Spain would agree that this is a pivotal time in their development; the point where what they do has real implications for their future.

And since mothers and fathers around the world like nothing better than to boast about their offspring’s achievements, there’s a lot of humble bragging going on amongst my friends. Here’s a typical Indian mom’s disguised flex:

“I don’t know what to do with Rahul. He came second in class in Maths in the exams, just as he’s gone into the ninth. I’ve told him that his marks in Primary don’t matter. Its fine he always used to come first, but it’s time to get serious now only. And already its second (place). Soon it will be third and fourth and who knows what?! But all he wants to do is play chess. He won the district championship last month. Wants to be Vishwanathan Anand. Great. Good. But what about his Maths? What university will he get into at this rate?”

And here’s what a Spanish mom is likely to show off about:

“I don’t know what to do with Alejandro. He’s out almost every night. And mostly it’s with girls. I thought he was with that nice Carolina, but it seems that’s old news now. I think he might be dating Celia. You know her, right? The daughter of xxx (famous footballer at Real Madrid). That boy is just too popular for his own good. Anyway, the one thing I’m thankful for is that he seems to be getting enough sleep, so he’s always on time for football practice. Es fantastico, no? It’s so important for children to play sports.”

Nico circa 2018. Pic credit: Pallavi Aiyar

Ever since my older boy turned 13, the parents of his school friends in Madrid have tended to query me about two things: Does he go out (a euphemism for socialize with friends outside of parental supervision)? And does he play a sport? If I can answer in the affirmative to these two questions then the assumption is that all is right in my child’s world.