Being Master Oogway

or the Tao of Jigsaw

Hello All,

Another devastating week on the COVID front in India. My mother has made much progress, but many other friends remain sick or are mourning the passing of loved ones. It’s been challenging being physically cut-off from the ones I love, without the prospect of being able to jump on a plane to be with them.

After so many decades of globetrotting, COVID has enforced stasis. Initially I enjoyed being grounded and took pleasure in rediscovering a less hurried pace of life. It was during this stage that I started doing jigsaw puzzles.

My post this week is about some life lessons I’ve learned, reinforced by the difficulties of the last year, but that I think will apply in post-pandemic times as much. Much of what we take for granted is infact frightningly mutable. Our certainties are not rock solid but blink-and-they’ll-snap thread-like.

But we must march on nonetheless. Here are some tips to help on that journey.

---

The 40s

I am 45, not quite old, but well past new. A good age. The insecurities and overwrought emotions of youth have been navigated. I have become fond of the way I look- hooked nose, skinny legs and all. I have accepted that my children will be who they are, not who I want them to be. I have realized that eight hours sleep is the holy grail.

45. It’s a number with some weight to it. And colour too. It puts me in mind of a plummy burgundy being swilled around in a large goblet. It’s a number that affords me the indulgence of a soapbox, at least for one newsletter post.  And so I would like to use this soapbox to share some insights into living well.

In no particular order, here are some of the things I suggest we all do:

Jigsaw puzzles

I began solving jigsaws during the COVID lockdown. It was a way to spend time with my children and pass the hours. But as I fitted and refitted, watching pictures magic themselves out of a messy heap of pieces, I felt there was an epiphany (or 6) to be had.

1) When there is chaos - patience and perseverance will eventually coax out meaning.

     2) You can miss the wood for the trees, but also the opposite. Take turns focusing on the big picture and the minutiae.

   3) There are always red herrings along the journey. Things that appear to fit, do not always work.

    4)  Conversely that which looks wrong can turn out to be right. It's better to give most things a try, rather than to rule them out immediately.

   5) You will make mistakes. Be calm and redo.

   6) In life, as in a puzzle, you sometimes feel that a piece is missing. It rarely is. Stop obsessing and tackle something else and at some point the "missing" piece turns up.

Move over Tao te Ching, Tao te Jigsaw is here!

Appreciating niceness:

When I was younger, amongst the characteristics I valued most in others was intelligence, in particular of the glib variety. I was a sucker for the sexy articulate: people whose deep voices suggested heavy smoking, and off whose tongues tripped dense, provocative thoughts in effortless convoy. If they happened to throw in the odd reference to Foucault or Gramsci, I would tingle stronger.

What I value most now, is niceness. And reliability. I don’t care if my friends are famous, rich, popular or beautiful. I just want them to be nice. To call when they say they will, and to offer to help, when its needed. To be generous with their time.

It’s the ones that still send birthday cards by post, or the gift of a book in the mail, that I appreciate most. The ones who reach out when I’m weathering bad news, even if we haven’t been in regular touch.

The people I want to spend time with now are as comfortable talking about their baby’s derriere as Derrida. And frankly I find talk about the optimal diet for toddlers a lot more useful than deconstruction.

A shout out here to the moms (and occasional dad) who have helped me maneuver through parenthood, by sharing tips on taming tantrums, getting spinach down picky eaters and making readers out of gaming addicts.

And another a shout out to all the trailing spouses I’ve met in different countries. The ones who welcome you into their social circle with a cup of coffee and piece of cake. Who bring you take-out on moving day, so your family has something to eat as they sit surrounded by the debris of their lives, half-stuffed into cardboard cartons. The ones who squeeze your hand and slip you a tissue when you suffer for being far away from your mother during a pandemic.

I used to think “nice” was an anodyne compliment. At 45, it’s the very highest praise I’d give someone.

Mentoring others

In our 20s and 30, there tends to be a lot of “me,” “my” “mine” cluttering up our thoughtways. We worry about universities and jobs. We are preoccupied with love and success. We want to shine brightly and for the world to acknowledge our sheen.

But we’d be best off spending the other decades of our life acting upon an alternative principal. One based on the knowledge that a reflected sheen is best. For nothing brings greater happiness than mentoring and helping others. Chasing accolades for oneself is strangely hollow. It doesn’t fill your bucket, just increases the space that needs to be filled.

When you start helping others- recommending the books they’ve written, making them a hot cup of chai when they’ve been rained on, introducing them to useful contacts, sharing your professional advice honestly- the bucket becomes heavy with fulfillment quite quickly.

There is too much emphasis in the self-help industrial complex on one’s own happiness and cutting out people who don’t immediately contribute to that happiness.

But, as the wise turtle, Master Oogway from the Kung Fu Panda series said: “The more you take the less you have.” Ergo: The more you give, the more you get.

Last but not least:

Become a lifelong beginner and discover the joy of being “bad” at new things. This is actually a teaser for next week’s post.

In preparation for reading that post, I encourage you to take out an old musical instrument from your school days and give it a blow or a strum; make an origami paper crane if you haven’t folded one yet; write a poem for your pet; or bake a cake if you are a culinary ingenue.

And then get ready to boast about your new, badly-done, accomplishments in the comments section of the Global Jigsaw next week.

This week, share some nuggets of wisdom you’ve accumulated over the years. What advice would you give your younger self with hindsight?

As usual, do share and help our community grow 