Spot on! We are hugely schizophrenic as a society in india, and men (at large) are not taught to deal with women as adults - because we don’t educate kids to deal with themselves as adults. The result is either a deification or objectification, with little in between. My heart sinks every time Woman’s Day comes along: the usual ‘hard hitting’ ads by companies that don’t have female leaders in their ranks, the awards, the speeches and the gift cards that stand in for wage equity.
Loved this essay. Especially the part "....a woman’s greatest dream is not to walk down the aisle in designer bridal wear, but merely to be able to go out for a walk without fear. Even if it is late at night. Even if unaccompanied."
Read this engaging article and was reminded of an incident I witnessed today in the bus on my way to work in metropolitan Copenhagen.
A Pakistani lady was sitting with her 3 kids all probably between 7 and 10. The eldest was a scarf wearing girl who was probably 10 and chattering away cheerfully in both Danish and Urdu/Hindusthani with her siblings. Her Urdu was broken, her Danish was very much the fluent Copenhagen dialect that kids use.
Suddenly, the mother, clearly unable to understand Danish snapped back at the 10 year and admonished her for talking too much.
"Remember, you are a girl and you are supposed to keep your mouth shut. You are a Pakistani girl and not one of these Danes. And don't speak in Danish" !!!
I have heard variants of that conversation both in India and in the South Asian immigrant communities in Norway & now in Denmark. I shudder to think of the conflicts that the little girl is bound to face as she grows up to be a teen and then into adulthood. It is utterly unlikely that she would become the docile Pakistani or Punjabi woman who would be a stay-at-home mum making chappathis and chai for the menfolk.
At the same time, this immigrant girl would not made it into mainstream Danish culture in areas such as dating, marriage, hanging out etc. Someone far too Danish to be regarded as a full-fledged Pakistani and yet far too much of an immigrant to be seen as a full-fledged Dane. She would very likely be cajoled into marrying a cousin in Pakistan. In fact the "cousins" in Pakistan might be the only market available for her. And this chap imported from the Pakistani Punjab would struggle to fit into Danish society and would resent the fact that his wife certainly didn't need him to function in Denmark.
During my time as a freelance interpreter and translator in Norway, I have seen so many such cases of Indian and Pakistani women trying to straddle two cultures and two very different expectations of what it means to be a woman when you are a migrant. More so when you are a second generation migrant, torn between the values of two often clashing value systems...
Spot on! We are hugely schizophrenic as a society in india, and men (at large) are not taught to deal with women as adults - because we don’t educate kids to deal with themselves as adults. The result is either a deification or objectification, with little in between. My heart sinks every time Woman’s Day comes along: the usual ‘hard hitting’ ads by companies that don’t have female leaders in their ranks, the awards, the speeches and the gift cards that stand in for wage equity.
Loved this essay. Especially the part "....a woman’s greatest dream is not to walk down the aisle in designer bridal wear, but merely to be able to go out for a walk without fear. Even if it is late at night. Even if unaccompanied."
Well said!
Read this engaging article and was reminded of an incident I witnessed today in the bus on my way to work in metropolitan Copenhagen.
A Pakistani lady was sitting with her 3 kids all probably between 7 and 10. The eldest was a scarf wearing girl who was probably 10 and chattering away cheerfully in both Danish and Urdu/Hindusthani with her siblings. Her Urdu was broken, her Danish was very much the fluent Copenhagen dialect that kids use.
Suddenly, the mother, clearly unable to understand Danish snapped back at the 10 year and admonished her for talking too much.
"Remember, you are a girl and you are supposed to keep your mouth shut. You are a Pakistani girl and not one of these Danes. And don't speak in Danish" !!!
I have heard variants of that conversation both in India and in the South Asian immigrant communities in Norway & now in Denmark. I shudder to think of the conflicts that the little girl is bound to face as she grows up to be a teen and then into adulthood. It is utterly unlikely that she would become the docile Pakistani or Punjabi woman who would be a stay-at-home mum making chappathis and chai for the menfolk.
At the same time, this immigrant girl would not made it into mainstream Danish culture in areas such as dating, marriage, hanging out etc. Someone far too Danish to be regarded as a full-fledged Pakistani and yet far too much of an immigrant to be seen as a full-fledged Dane. She would very likely be cajoled into marrying a cousin in Pakistan. In fact the "cousins" in Pakistan might be the only market available for her. And this chap imported from the Pakistani Punjab would struggle to fit into Danish society and would resent the fact that his wife certainly didn't need him to function in Denmark.
During my time as a freelance interpreter and translator in Norway, I have seen so many such cases of Indian and Pakistani women trying to straddle two cultures and two very different expectations of what it means to be a woman when you are a migrant. More so when you are a second generation migrant, torn between the values of two often clashing value systems...
Oh to take a walk, or a swim!
I think of this everytime i pass a small feeder canal in summer, and bare-bodied village boys splash in the water.
The absence of girls is so loud.