Wonderful, beautifully expressed... What really irks me is that they insist on forcing other people into the same tidy boxes, chaining down the wannabe cranes.
When our US-born son was young, he had no less than 7 nationalities, and when we asked him what he was -American, French, etc...-- the little boy always answered: I'm Adrien, using the abondance of choice to strengthen his identity.
Could NOT have said that better! And, I am ashamed to admit, being abroad has often made me very defensive about 'not being Indian enough' (strangely enough the pressure comes from the expat community!). I am glad you have soared like a crane, and I hope the boys will truly embrace their cosmopolitan identities!!
Power of iIdentity is only when you can choose a particular identity for a particular occasion. So I was wondering if you choose to miss the spices of Jakarta from your wardrobe !
wunderbar! I can so relate to the worry about hefty bills from a shrink and am heartbroken that my sprog wont know the beauty of Ghalib or Faiz, but at least he can sing Khusro, to chalo das ist mejor que nada. Oh y una ultima palabra- you are so right when you say being Indian at that time- allah jaane aaj kal ke bacche kya seekh rahe hain...
I just don’t think about this stuff very much, though I accept that people agonise over it and have a colleague who did her master’s in Third Culture Kid stuff (doesn’t that term in itself sound peculiarly limiting?). I do get annoyed by the process of attempting to explain, and even more annoyed when people make assumptions about me.
So very well expressed. I was born to Tamilian parents but grew up in Hyderabad, knew more about Hyderabadi society and its way of life than about the Tamil one, spent some time in Shimla and then substantial periods of time in Mumbai, Delhi and now Bangalore - This exposure kindles in me, a love for Bahara Baingan and Khubbani ka Meetha ( I am vegetarian), Vada Pav and Sabudana Khichdi, Chana Bhatura and Matar Paneer and now Bisi bele bath and akki roti. Would not have wanted it to be otherwise.
OMG! I just twigged that Japan now has two Tambram/ Gujju hybrids- Pallavi and Pico. Both of your write well- if utterly vacuously. Still, the market knows best.
A former colleague was at Eton with Pico who was expected to do great things. But then my Dad was only a couple of years junior to Pico's Dad- Raghavan- whom everybody was sure would do great things.
Reading- or dreaming- between the lines of your perlocutionary invocation of the crane borne up by the bourne of its own crepuscularity ,I am obliged to turn back to my own rhapsodic paroxysms on reading Pico's appropriation of Graham Greene as ancestral gotra- vide https://socioproctology.blogspot.com/2012/08/pico-iyers-book-on-graham-greene.html
You weren't born a mongrel. You were born a Hindu and like many Hindus discovered that life was much more comfortable outside India. There are plenty of Iyers who prefer Japan or Spain or Alaska or whatever to polluted cities like Delhi or Chennai. Still, if they want to develop a deeper 'oikeiosis' they do find that they need to do something useful for their primary circle of belonging. This in turn means they can be more useful to subsequent circles of belonging. In this way one becomes a true cosmopolitan. Cranes are all very well, but Hinduism speaks of the personal part of the soul- the jeeva- as an egg laid in the sky. One must become a jivanmukta before that egg smashes on the ground or else reincarnation continues. The Yoga which enables one to become a Paramahamsa floating above Mansarovar begins with 'suhrit prapti' gaining like hearted fellows. But this involves deepening every circle of oikeiosis or belonging. The feeling of having been a 'mongrel'- culturally or whatever- is mere adolescent angst and histrionic self-deception. Also, India really isn't utterly horrible and Hindus can be quite nice if you offer them a biscuit and pat them on the head. This, at any rate, is my own life experience.
How dare you! I yam an only slightly sun-tanned British Citizen- often mistaken for Boris Johnson- I'll have you know!
If Priti Patel finds out I'm a darkie she will deport me for sure. Also, when dealing with elderly bakhts, you must not offer biscuit (cheeni kum- due to diabetes, innit?) but rather ask to see the wallet photographs of some of the more soigne cows us old coots worship. Mind it kindly. Aiyayo.
Incidentally do you like Gong Linna- I believe her hubby is a German musicologist- what is your husband's view? She has given a 'prana/chi' explanation for that song which shows saying Aiyayo is performative of 'satchitananda'
Great column, as always. But "born a mongrel"?! You mean born as a fascinating person, with one of the most diverse DNA and family history anybody could hope for, right? And I also enjoyed reading that your first boyfriend was a longhaired artist... Your taste in men apparently changed over the years...
Wonderful, beautifully expressed... What really irks me is that they insist on forcing other people into the same tidy boxes, chaining down the wannabe cranes.
Absolutely loved it. Thanks Pallavi
Thank you for making my day!
Having lived in old quarters of towns in Kashmir and other parts of India, your vivid description of hutongs was just wonderful.
I always look forward to your travels and travails. The crane in you beckons us.
What an absolute treat of a comment. Thank you!
When our US-born son was young, he had no less than 7 nationalities, and when we asked him what he was -American, French, etc...-- the little boy always answered: I'm Adrien, using the abondance of choice to strengthen his identity.
Could NOT have said that better! And, I am ashamed to admit, being abroad has often made me very defensive about 'not being Indian enough' (strangely enough the pressure comes from the expat community!). I am glad you have soared like a crane, and I hope the boys will truly embrace their cosmopolitan identities!!
Power of iIdentity is only when you can choose a particular identity for a particular occasion. So I was wondering if you choose to miss the spices of Jakarta from your wardrobe !
The sambal in me comes out at the appropriate occasion.
wunderbar! I can so relate to the worry about hefty bills from a shrink and am heartbroken that my sprog wont know the beauty of Ghalib or Faiz, but at least he can sing Khusro, to chalo das ist mejor que nada. Oh y una ultima palabra- you are so right when you say being Indian at that time- allah jaane aaj kal ke bacche kya seekh rahe hain...
I miss you yaar! Post-Covid gupshup in order in Vienna o en España...lo que quieres.
mais oui!
I am so enjoying these weekly missives, Pallavi! And I'm curious to hear more about Tokyo's dentists :-)
I still dream of that root canal with Dr Suzuki...so painless and delicate! :-)
I just don’t think about this stuff very much, though I accept that people agonise over it and have a colleague who did her master’s in Third Culture Kid stuff (doesn’t that term in itself sound peculiarly limiting?). I do get annoyed by the process of attempting to explain, and even more annoyed when people make assumptions about me.
Reading your blog makes me choose a career that takes me to different parts of the world
can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. May you fly.
So very well expressed. I was born to Tamilian parents but grew up in Hyderabad, knew more about Hyderabadi society and its way of life than about the Tamil one, spent some time in Shimla and then substantial periods of time in Mumbai, Delhi and now Bangalore - This exposure kindles in me, a love for Bahara Baingan and Khubbani ka Meetha ( I am vegetarian), Vada Pav and Sabudana Khichdi, Chana Bhatura and Matar Paneer and now Bisi bele bath and akki roti. Would not have wanted it to be otherwise.
Shame on you. You gloat over your own privilege. Worse, you leverage you exiguous talents by appealing for affirmative action. Have you no shame?
OMG! I just twigged that Japan now has two Tambram/ Gujju hybrids- Pallavi and Pico. Both of your write well- if utterly vacuously. Still, the market knows best.
A former colleague was at Eton with Pico who was expected to do great things. But then my Dad was only a couple of years junior to Pico's Dad- Raghavan- whom everybody was sure would do great things.
Reading- or dreaming- between the lines of your perlocutionary invocation of the crane borne up by the bourne of its own crepuscularity ,I am obliged to turn back to my own rhapsodic paroxysms on reading Pico's appropriation of Graham Greene as ancestral gotra- vide https://socioproctology.blogspot.com/2012/08/pico-iyers-book-on-graham-greene.html
You weren't born a mongrel. You were born a Hindu and like many Hindus discovered that life was much more comfortable outside India. There are plenty of Iyers who prefer Japan or Spain or Alaska or whatever to polluted cities like Delhi or Chennai. Still, if they want to develop a deeper 'oikeiosis' they do find that they need to do something useful for their primary circle of belonging. This in turn means they can be more useful to subsequent circles of belonging. In this way one becomes a true cosmopolitan. Cranes are all very well, but Hinduism speaks of the personal part of the soul- the jeeva- as an egg laid in the sky. One must become a jivanmukta before that egg smashes on the ground or else reincarnation continues. The Yoga which enables one to become a Paramahamsa floating above Mansarovar begins with 'suhrit prapti' gaining like hearted fellows. But this involves deepening every circle of oikeiosis or belonging. The feeling of having been a 'mongrel'- culturally or whatever- is mere adolescent angst and histrionic self-deception. Also, India really isn't utterly horrible and Hindus can be quite nice if you offer them a biscuit and pat them on the head. This, at any rate, is my own life experience.
I agree that India isn't utterly horrible. And I'll be sure to offer you a biscuit and a pat on the head if we ever meet.
How dare you! I yam an only slightly sun-tanned British Citizen- often mistaken for Boris Johnson- I'll have you know!
If Priti Patel finds out I'm a darkie she will deport me for sure. Also, when dealing with elderly bakhts, you must not offer biscuit (cheeni kum- due to diabetes, innit?) but rather ask to see the wallet photographs of some of the more soigne cows us old coots worship. Mind it kindly. Aiyayo.
Incidentally do you like Gong Linna- I believe her hubby is a German musicologist- what is your husband's view? She has given a 'prana/chi' explanation for that song which shows saying Aiyayo is performative of 'satchitananda'
Great column, as always. But "born a mongrel"?! You mean born as a fascinating person, with one of the most diverse DNA and family history anybody could hope for, right? And I also enjoyed reading that your first boyfriend was a longhaired artist... Your taste in men apparently changed over the years...
:-)
Well, I am all about embracing diversity ;-)