I particularly loved reading this article because when I am asked where am I from I say: I was born in South Africa, have an Australian passport and am a permanent resident in Japan. I am usually met with confounded eyebrows that reach out to touch each other and a total lack of communication thereafter.
A friend of mine who is a psychotherapist said to me, in relation to your one son's comment about being "from my home" that home is probably the most significant identification for us, especially those of us who have lived in many places around the world. She said this is where we are present. We create familiarity wherever we are and this becomes our home.
Being in early childhood education, I have come across children over the 43 years of teaching who name the country of their birth as their nationality. And this becomes "their" strongest identity. The blond blue eyed American boy who says implicitly, I am Japanese. And the Japanese boy who grew up in Thailand, who says I am Thai.
Thanks for a fabulous read and always thought-provoking articles.
Interesting to come across this post, which touches on issues i have had deep interest and relation to: identities. In fact, it may amuse you to know that in Aug. 2020 i published an essay on substack that had a rather similar theme (though different characters, identities involved): https://identitydance.substack.com/p/wayf-the-question-so-many-non-typical
I hope your mum gets better soon- scary times for our Town. And I am so totally resigned to therapist bills that I am seriously considering starting a separate bank account specifically to fund that.
National identity is most fungible! Your kids are likely to shape their own identity by choosing to become the kind of person they want to be. I just hope that they got at least that part of your genes that make you so easily adopt the culture and language of the place you happen to be. That is one of the most enriching gift one could have.
I think the children will eventually sort it out themselves..until then enjoy your lovely work of keeping us immersed in your unique way of telling your experiences.
Pallavi, apologies in advance for my oxymoronic comment. Your ruminations are getting (for lack of words) cuter and cuter😀. If you have ever listened to King Crimson’s song “Epitaph” then you may get what I am trying to say. Deep, insightful and profound yet spoofy in parts and reading you is knowing you. Love it.
Great insights, but really, don't worry. National identity is overrated I'd say. I'm a mix, I'm an adult, and am proud of my heritage and have picked the things I identify from each "nation". That makes me, me. I find it difficult sometimes to understand why national-identification is so important to some people, as it is a very very generic description. So many more adjectives tell me who that person is.
And no, this probably won't be a therapy issue in adulthood.
I love your articles Pallavi! This one also hits home to me. I am so sorry about your mother having caught Covid. It is so hard having this huge distance away from them isn’t it?! For your boys and their multinational upbringing - my girls have only had to content with 2 counties and 3 nationalities so far but for me I was born to parents of 2 nationalities, 2 faiths (neither of which we were raised in), and 5 countries before I was 20. On the test of whether I qualify as a TCK I ticked 7 of the boxes! In the end I do think my sense of identity and perspective of the world was totally different to many others but my Mum always says we grew up worldly smart but not even remotely street smart. There are so many of us who grew up like this moving across the world in comfort, ease and joy (although I had to go all the way to China to meet a British man with the same approach to life as me). And I am so please my girls will get that opportunity. Your kids are having the best life and whilst it won’t always look like the lives of those in tv programmes or books it is what millions of us live every day.
Thank you Pallavi, I'm chipping in late. Had my neck stiffened this week - for these difficult times. ahead.
Shortly after the 2001 attack on the Indian Parliament, my wife addressed a gaggle of colourful Bishnoi turbans somewhere in Rajasthan. The occasion was a communal wedding. As ambassador, from a foreign country, she pleaded for educating female children. I have the hunch that among the girls born after the celebrations, one may owe her chance of an education to my wife. If this is so, where is the girl's identity?
In common Hinduist parlance, dharma means "right way of living" and "path of rightness." It is not the point of departure - your "identity" - but what one makes of it, given the point of departure.
I can't obsess with identity - a dogmatic Western empty shell. Have you ever watched hermit crabs exchanging empty shells? Identity is no better.
Growing up in India, I think we asked the 'where are you from' question to try and gauge a person. Surnames helped one identify the state a person was from.
Having spent over two decades in the Middle East, I learnt to identify people by their tribe names and where they came from.
My children who are teenagers now don't seem to be concerned with where somebody is from. They never have. As my older daughter goes off to university in the US, I am not sure what she will identify with - will she consider herself a crispy masala dosa and garlic butter naan desi or a hummus, falafel and pita bread loving kid from the Middle East?
I think we are going to be more nomadic than our parents.
Will home be where I lay my head? I don't have answers but I sincerely hope we can all be citizens of a border less world.
Dear Pallavi
I particularly loved reading this article because when I am asked where am I from I say: I was born in South Africa, have an Australian passport and am a permanent resident in Japan. I am usually met with confounded eyebrows that reach out to touch each other and a total lack of communication thereafter.
A friend of mine who is a psychotherapist said to me, in relation to your one son's comment about being "from my home" that home is probably the most significant identification for us, especially those of us who have lived in many places around the world. She said this is where we are present. We create familiarity wherever we are and this becomes our home.
Being in early childhood education, I have come across children over the 43 years of teaching who name the country of their birth as their nationality. And this becomes "their" strongest identity. The blond blue eyed American boy who says implicitly, I am Japanese. And the Japanese boy who grew up in Thailand, who says I am Thai.
Thanks for a fabulous read and always thought-provoking articles.
Kind regards
Shelley
Interesting to come across this post, which touches on issues i have had deep interest and relation to: identities. In fact, it may amuse you to know that in Aug. 2020 i published an essay on substack that had a rather similar theme (though different characters, identities involved): https://identitydance.substack.com/p/wayf-the-question-so-many-non-typical
I hope your mum gets better soon- scary times for our Town. And I am so totally resigned to therapist bills that I am seriously considering starting a separate bank account specifically to fund that.
National identity is most fungible! Your kids are likely to shape their own identity by choosing to become the kind of person they want to be. I just hope that they got at least that part of your genes that make you so easily adopt the culture and language of the place you happen to be. That is one of the most enriching gift one could have.
Excellent piece. Makes so much sense.
For kids transitting into a globalised world is easier......for adults it is the real challenge of adjustment.
I think the children will eventually sort it out themselves..until then enjoy your lovely work of keeping us immersed in your unique way of telling your experiences.
Pallavi, apologies in advance for my oxymoronic comment. Your ruminations are getting (for lack of words) cuter and cuter😀. If you have ever listened to King Crimson’s song “Epitaph” then you may get what I am trying to say. Deep, insightful and profound yet spoofy in parts and reading you is knowing you. Love it.
Great insights, but really, don't worry. National identity is overrated I'd say. I'm a mix, I'm an adult, and am proud of my heritage and have picked the things I identify from each "nation". That makes me, me. I find it difficult sometimes to understand why national-identification is so important to some people, as it is a very very generic description. So many more adjectives tell me who that person is.
And no, this probably won't be a therapy issue in adulthood.
Great article!
I love your articles Pallavi! This one also hits home to me. I am so sorry about your mother having caught Covid. It is so hard having this huge distance away from them isn’t it?! For your boys and their multinational upbringing - my girls have only had to content with 2 counties and 3 nationalities so far but for me I was born to parents of 2 nationalities, 2 faiths (neither of which we were raised in), and 5 countries before I was 20. On the test of whether I qualify as a TCK I ticked 7 of the boxes! In the end I do think my sense of identity and perspective of the world was totally different to many others but my Mum always says we grew up worldly smart but not even remotely street smart. There are so many of us who grew up like this moving across the world in comfort, ease and joy (although I had to go all the way to China to meet a British man with the same approach to life as me). And I am so please my girls will get that opportunity. Your kids are having the best life and whilst it won’t always look like the lives of those in tv programmes or books it is what millions of us live every day.
Thank you Pallavi, I'm chipping in late. Had my neck stiffened this week - for these difficult times. ahead.
Shortly after the 2001 attack on the Indian Parliament, my wife addressed a gaggle of colourful Bishnoi turbans somewhere in Rajasthan. The occasion was a communal wedding. As ambassador, from a foreign country, she pleaded for educating female children. I have the hunch that among the girls born after the celebrations, one may owe her chance of an education to my wife. If this is so, where is the girl's identity?
In common Hinduist parlance, dharma means "right way of living" and "path of rightness." It is not the point of departure - your "identity" - but what one makes of it, given the point of departure.
I can't obsess with identity - a dogmatic Western empty shell. Have you ever watched hermit crabs exchanging empty shells? Identity is no better.
Dear Pallavi,
Here, there and everywhere.
Growing up in India, I think we asked the 'where are you from' question to try and gauge a person. Surnames helped one identify the state a person was from.
Having spent over two decades in the Middle East, I learnt to identify people by their tribe names and where they came from.
My children who are teenagers now don't seem to be concerned with where somebody is from. They never have. As my older daughter goes off to university in the US, I am not sure what she will identify with - will she consider herself a crispy masala dosa and garlic butter naan desi or a hummus, falafel and pita bread loving kid from the Middle East?
I think we are going to be more nomadic than our parents.
Will home be where I lay my head? I don't have answers but I sincerely hope we can all be citizens of a border less world.